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oh lovely immune system
2004-04-14 | 5:20 p.m.

Another day, another puddle of vomit on the floor. I used to lease out my plate to various food groups, and I was an imperious landlord. The potatoes were not allowed to fraternize with the carrots, and the cautious meetings between meat and side-dish were met with nothing but hand-wringing dissaproval. Whenever my mother caught me scraping my food groups into different area codes, she would jovially exclaim 'that's what it looks like in your stomach!'. And now I know she's right. Sam the super-sister, the one that borrows my razor without giving it back and the one that eats the very last popsicle in the house is ill or pretending to be and is vomiting all over the floor, and so I am well aquainted with all of the carpet cleaning solutions and their greased lies, their nacreous promises, their weird odors, their complete ineffectiveness at getting my sister's vomit stains out of the carpet. And there is even more of this to look forward to if she becomes bulimic, or contracts AIDs, or never gets better. Have a colorful day, dear reader, full of normal digestion and affection.

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