I'm part of a major movie event today when I accidently mix too much potassium with water in lab. People are concerned, but not impressed. This wasn't one of those mighty explosions that take your breath away and make your heart skip a beat, this was one of those minor, embarrassing explosions that people laugh about behind your back. Put your fears to rest, though. Tuck them under their blankets, sing them a little lullaby. I'm not massively disfigured or anything. I'm tired. I feel drugs in my body, I'm sluggish and slow. I need to get Sam her vaccinations before she dies of polio or something, the school nurse is calling me about it. I need to get vaccinated. I can't even remember the last time I went to the doctor. I'm just afraid that I'll go in and he'll say 'oh, let's see here. An acute case of malaria and the bubonic plague. I have the name of a great mortician. Let me get it for you.' I picked up Sam early from school to take her to the optometrist. We're listening to Stereolab. We're listening to savath + savalas. I'm listening to Sam tell me about why she thinks it would be the greatest idea ever if I let her use the car while I'm in Iceland, even though she doesn't have her learner's permit, because let's face it, is it ever really going to happen with the way I'm handling things? At the office, sterile and smelling of lysol, there are two tiny red-haired girls waiting for their father. It is here that I learn that the average person blinks about 11,500 times a day, and has about 100 to 150 eyelashes. One girl cries and asks when her Daddy is getting out. "Soon," I say. Sam is bouncing up and down in her chair, asking me if she would look best in 'sealit green' or 'meretricious mauve,' and I have no idea, a door I'm standing in front of is urging me not to block it. I need long underwear and Sam manages to convince me to go to Victoria's Secret, where she claims it is an urgent matter of life or death, whether she gets this one white bra or not. A woman floats by and offers to measure my bra size, but I decline. We have to go to Whole Foods, Sam has a school project, we're fighting traffic, Sam's telling me about her new book named 'Pin-Key.' "You know the characters and stuff, right? So Sevala is with Greg, who is actually gay and pretending? There's this part in the first part where I kind of let his gayness slip through, he's all 'Amanda! I love your sweater!' But there's this other gay guy, see, and I named him Aladay? Isn't that the greatest name? I made it up. They get together in the end, it's kind of this gay tolerance thing. And they go to this scary house, and they're all alone because Sevala's parents are out of town." We're battling traffic. I'm pushing Sam through Whole Foods at a million miles an hour because I have to be home by 6, the piano tuner is coming. Sam tells me that she really loved seeing Itzhak Perlman in concert last night, but could she please not see Neal Pollack tomorrow, because she has plans with friends, et cetera and so on. We make it home and I find all three cats and pull them inside, I make a gigantic mountain of dirty laundry and my room and start sorting it into piles as Sam sits on my bed eating Soy Dream Ice Cream. "Why are you putting that in with the reds? That's not a white, put that in with the blues. Because it has a blue decal on it." the piano tuner comes. He has a wife and four sons, and his sons fight all of the time, and they have this turtle named Fred, who has favorite toys, et cetera and so on. Shaun visits. one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war! I blare music in Sam's room and pull her out of bed to make her wake up from her nap, she has three tests to study for. I have to buy her posterboard at the store, the big kind, the biggest kind they have. She has to be at school tomorrow an hour early. Today was like one of those fly dreams/didn't even see a berry flashin those high beams
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