okay, if I was going to hide a beer bottle-opener, where would I hide it? just kidding, that's crazy. why would I hide a bottle-opener?

but seriously. WHERE IS IT.

I'm just writing this because holly said I need to stop being sad all the time.

UPDATE: I tried to open my beer with a staple gun. it did not work. what fun I'm having!

UPDATE: I just had my lip repierced by the nice piercing man on the drag. I had the strangest, most vivid dream last night: I was taking a roadtrip with angelina jolie (WHAT THE FUCK GOD?!), when we were pulled over by the police. I took a quick mental inventory: no drugs in my car, now, no empty alcohol bottles. I thought it would okay. while the police dismantled my car, I cracked my knuckles nervously and I watched angelina jolie dance around and flip cartwheels like a lunatic. suddenly an officer emerged from the back of my car holding a bag full of white powder. 'that's some blood heroin, right there,' he said. (as a quick note, I have no idea what blood heroin is. I don't even think it exists. but this was my dream.)

'I love heroin!' angelina exclaimed, twirling around.

'evidently,' the officer said, giving me a fierce look. I crumbled.

'that's not mine,' I said quickly, pleadingly. 'seriously. I don't use heroin. search me, search my bag. I don't use heroin,' I said. the officer just snarled at me and continued to search my car, tossing out empty wine bottles every few minutes. I looked at angelina in horror, but she was doing cartwheels on the grass. in my dream I just knew that I would spend the next sixty years of my life in a federal penitentiary. then I woke up in a cold sweat at 6 am to find sam gone. here's a picture of satan's handmaiden (sam):

UPDATE: sam figured out how to open a bottle of beer with a wrench. I think she deserves the nobel prize for this.

sam making love to a wall:

UPDATE: I just got back from fredericksburg

UPDATE: I tasted some of hamilton's dog food. it tasted terrible. how do I expect him to eat this?

UPDATE: I'm going to smoke out with scottie jack!

UPDATE: I'm going to a gay pride party on the drag, so I will have no more time for updating. here is one last picture, of sam and me, taken two years ago when I was her legal guardian:

aww! DO WE LOOK LIKE EACH OTHER?!

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