porn, super porn
quiz me this small disaster, please
2005-06-07 | 1:00 p.m.

warning: wine! whine! wine! wine!

I am smoking a cigarette I can feel the secret shivers under my skin, I am vibrating. brain shaking. I am also sipping a sauvignon blanc that tastes terrible, like buttery popcorn, so this might not make sense?. from my window I see a sea of strip malls, brown blank blandness taking bites out of the earth. beyond that, I see some trees. on the horizon, a roller-coaster.

I ran and ran in my new betsey johnson dress (all nuzzling velvet and ribbons), and my slight heels that slap the earth. past the mcdonalds, with cars curled round the sides to get to the fries and fat. I ran into the parking lot that spills into the nature it nudges up against. the building is slumped, boarded-up, bought-out. out of business sale: everything must go. everything.

in the trees beyond the buildings was a mellow, mellifluous meadow with wheat warmth, and I threw myself down into the waist-high grass and I scrunched my eyes together and I tried so hard to think of nothing. farms and fences, grammatical tenses. I want to disappear (to pass out of sigh, vanish), to crumble into this dress, to be the dirt the next girl clings to.

I can't stay here forever. I walk through the grey flatness of the world, marked with man, everything broad and brown and bland. I don't even know what to do. not on this day.

blah blah blip. words words words. (I guess.)

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