porn, super porn
never were there such devoted sisters
2004-02-28 | 6:25 p.m.

my 14 year old sister, sam, my ward:

I'm worried about sam. I think that I need to counter-balance the somewhat negative influence that her eight hundred thousand friends are having on her mentality and her grammar. We're going to work on her marriage potential by educating her in the arts of knitting, jam jarring, child rearing, frigidly withholding sex, et cetera. I just kind of need to keep her a bit closer to home until I leave for Honduras. Just what she'll be doing exactly while I'm gone is a question the hotel will answer by keeping the bar open 24 hours a day. You really have to hand it to me, though. Rather than telling her that she's 'grounded,' which might have raised a few red flags, I selected the wildly deceptive title 'spending more time together.' Like convincing a small child that liver tastes like chocolate, I keep braying about 'us,' how great we are, how wonderful it is to spend time together, and if she's not careful, she'll be forced to spend time with me... forever! Oh no! The tanned cretin gets bug-eyed and jittery, pawing at the earth, rolling her sad eyes at the sky and gnashing her teeth... when my sister does not have either fake meat products or phone service, she foams at the mouth and starts having these scary convulsions.

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